


Spilled Blood Cries to Heaven

by blueharlequin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Brother/Brother Incest, First Love, First Time, Guilt, Kissing, M/M, Sam Winchester as Lolita, Secret Relationship, Seduction, Sibling Incest, Slash, Temptation, Underage Sex, Virginity, Weecest, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 14:41:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19378789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueharlequin/pseuds/blueharlequin
Summary: Early Supernatural - Dean angsts over taking Sam’s innocence, Sam doesn't. (Repost because I stupidly deleted it while editing.)





	Spilled Blood Cries to Heaven

A Kiss

When Dean looked at Sammy he always felt a pang of guilt. Maybe it was one of the reasons he was so hard on him, or maybe it was because of Dean’s inability to forgive him. There was once a time where Dean and Sam shared everything with each other, time when there were no lies or deceitful actions. Sam used to get so frustrated when he wanted to do something and Dean told him “No, Dad said we can’t.” But Dean could never deny him anything. For every no, there was a yes to something else, a consolation, an accommodation. So when Sammy would get scared Dean would let him hug him tight in his sleep. He gave in to every pleading look and soft touch. Maybe that should have been a clue to his sinful nature. Sam was a temptation he gave into, a constant reminder of his lack of willpower.

The very first time Dean gave in it was a kiss. He and John had returned late from a hunt to find Sam asleep at the small table in the motel room. Dad left to get plastered in some bar and avoid the drama that usually happened when Sam woke up. Dean waited till the sound of the Impala’s engine had drifted off in the distance before he shook him gently. He took care to stay on the far side of his knife hand. On numerous occasions when he was frightened, Sam had unconsciously tried to gut him with his switchblade when Dean woke him up. The kid must have been tired because he simply lifted his head and looked at Dean angrily. Without a word he got up and walked over to the bed and began to put on his pyjamas.

“Sammy,” Dean began, stopping at the death glare he received. Dean couldn’t believe he was being intimidated by his little brother. That was so not happening. The older boy tackled him on the bed and began tickling him furiously. At first Sam tried to keep it in and fight back but after a moment he started laughing and crying, “Dean! Stop it! That tickles!” When he was satisfied that his little brother wasn’t mad anymore he stopped. A few hiccups and a deep breath later Sam turned to his brother and kissed him full on the lips.

“Sam! What the hell?!” Dean pulled back totally alarmed.

“That’s what you do when you love someone.” Sam looked at his brother totally confused.

Dean mind struggled to catch up with his logic. “Okay, yea, that is sort of right, where did you learn that?”

“On TV, the girl was so happy the guy killed the monster she kissed him.”

Dean eyes rolled back into his head, daytime TV was going to be the death of him. Sam watched entirely too much of it and sometimes developed strange ideas of what constituted normal. “Silly, only girls are supposed to kiss boys that way.” And he stopped. Was he really going to have this discussion with his 12 year old brother? Never mind the birds and the bees; Dean thought about how difficult it was going to be to explain to his brother why guys don’t kiss other guys. Sammy always had far too many questions about everything. This was totally a discussion for dad. The older boy could tell Sam was waiting for him to clarify. Dad probably wasn’t going to come home until morning and Sam would pester him all night if Dean didn’t give some sort of answer. “Sammy, you kiss your family on the cheek.”

“Oh, well, I’m really glad you came home okay.” He leaned forward and gave Dean a small peck on the cheek. Dean really shouldn’t have felt anything other relief but something made him watch the way Sam licked his lips. Sam murmured, “It’s not the same.” Dean wasn’t ready for the kiss that came next. Soft moist lips pressed against his and he lost. He lost to Sammy’s sweet innocent lips. He pressed his tongue against Sam’s mouth and he opened up to his brother. Sammy’s arms went around him as Dean pushed him down on the bed. They laid there kissing until they ran out of breath. Dean’s mind was screaming this was a thousand types of wrong.

“Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“I know baby brother, I know.” Dean closed his eyes and tried to smash down all the thoughts warring in his head. This was okay for now. He could deal with this.

* * *

Dean woke up early the next morning to find Sam curled around him. Rolling over he noted that their father was still not back. John must have found a chick to bang. Disentangling himself from Sam, who moaned softly at the lost warmth, he began packing up to leave. At least he could have everything ready before John came back. A smooth morning would lessen dad’s irritation at the inevitable barrage of questions. It occurred to Dean that he might have to prep Sam a little bit. After the kissing session last night they had fallen asleep. He realized if Sammy said anything about it, dad would skin him alive.

He pulled the covers off the bed causing Sam to still up abruptly. “Dean! What the hell!”

“Sam don’t cuss!”

“You do it!”

“I’m older; now get ready before dad comes back.” Sam’s face pulled back in annoyance. Dean had to phase his next question very delicately or he would be on the receiving end of Sam’s bitch mode. “Sammy, you know you can’t say anything to dad about us kissing, right?”

Sam frowned, and Dean prepared himself for an argument. He took a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Yes!?” The older boy was astonished at the lack of fight.

“Yes, because you said only girls kiss boys that way. So, obviously it’s not right for us to and Dad would be mad at us if we did something we weren’t supposed to.” He sighed heavily. “But I really like kissing you, so is it okay if Dad’s not around?”

Dean was a bit surprised and sort of disturbed over how easily Sam had come to his conclusion. Then again Sam was getting better at connecting the dots. On several occasions he had even steered conversations to the point where he got the answer he wanted. Damn if Dean wasn’t about to do it as well. “I think that would be okay.” His brain was repeating in an endless loop, _“it’s not okay, it’s not okay, it’s not okay.”_

He pushed Sam towards the bathroom and continued packing up their gear. Twenty minutes later, Sam stumbled out of the bathroom, his scruffy hair dripping all over. “Put your stuff away and pick up all the trash.” All the takeout containers from the last few nights were still sitting on the small table in the room. “I’m going to take a shower.” Dean really wanted to stand there and let the warm water wash away everything, but knowing dad would be back soon cut the luxury short. As he turned off the water Dean heard the door open as their Dad walked in.

* * *

 A Touch

Dean honestly thought after the first hour of questions about daytime TV, girls and kissing that dad was going to crash the car. After the second hour about gratitude, first base and marrying girls you loved, Dean was going to make their father crash the car just to get Sam to drop it. Finally when Sam was about to ask why boys don’t kiss, he jumped in with, “Sam, I think Dad is tired, we can talk later.” Sam glanced at his brother and to his credit, he got the hint. At the same moment Dean looked up and saw that this was not a conversation their father wanted to have with Sam. In fact, the look of relief on his face and the secondary glance John gave him through the rear view mirror indicated that this was something that is father wanted Dean to take care of.

* * *

On the way back from a hunt Dean sat in the Impala and wished for a hot shower and dreaded the nervous glances John kept giving him. He was waiting for him to bring up Sam’s behaviour. “Sam is really growing up fast.” Dean almost snorted. So this is how his father was going to approach it. “Dean you know Sam will listen to anything you say. I hope you can take the responsibility to tell him the right things.” The teen blinked just a little bit bewildered. Dean guessed that was it. He was so screwed.

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Now I am going to go help some other hunters, so I will be gone for a couple weeks. Make sure the two of you don’t draw any attention at school.”

Dean nodded, “Yes sir.” Then something came to mind. “Will you be back in time for Sam’s birthday?” John frowned and Dean saw that he hadn’t remembered.

“No. Tell him I’m sorry, we’ll celebrate it later.”

The teen sighed. It was going to be a long couple of weeks.

* * *

Surprisingly Sam had been really quiet. The current school they were attending had given him lots of reading and he seemed to be enjoying it. Thankfully it made the first week pass rather quickly. Dean hadn’t told him yet that Dad wasn’t going to come back before his birthday. Instead, the older boy told him they could do anything he wanted after school that day.

“Can we go to the bookstore?” The bookstore was going to be hard to for Dean, Sam could spend an eternity looking at books. But he had promised and he had also been able to put aside a bit of cash from the last time he played pool to get him something.

“Is that all you want to do?”

“Yeah.” He sighed then looked at his older brother straight in the eye. “Dad’s not coming back for my birthday is he?”

Dean frowned. “No, he said sorry and that we’ll celebrate when he comes back.”

He bowed his head and the older boy could tell he was making a face at the floor. “Well I guess it can’t be helped. I’m happy you can celebrate with me today.” He looked up and grinned at him. Dean realized that his little bother was trying hard to be mature about it. Dean smirked back at him and ruffled his hair.

“Yup, you’re stuck with me. Now let’s go before it gets too late.”

Thankfully the town bookstore wasn’t that large. Dean idly flipped through a magazine as he watched Sam peruse the shelves. The older teen was almost ready to see if the shopkeeper would notice him inching toward the adult section when Sammy shoved a book into his hands. “Can I get this?”

Dean looked down at the title, The Complete Grimm’s Fairy Tales. “You sure you want this? Isn’t it for girls?”

“Dean, the real stories are not at all like the Disney cartoons. They are more like the stuff you tell me after you and Dad go on a hunt.”

“Hmm, so it’s more like dad’s journal,” the older boy mumbled. He paid for the book and they walked out into the main street. “What do you want to eat for dinner?”

“Pancakes!” Dean groaned as Sam spotted an IHOP down the street. Well at least he'd be able to get a burger.

After dinner they went back to the motel. Depositing himself on the bed Dean rolled on to his back flipping through the channels not really paying attention to whatever was on. Sam had crawled up next to him and was thumbing through his book. “Dean?” the teen looked over at him; Sam had placed his book on the nightstand between the beds.

“You getting sleepy?” He shook his head. Dean made room for him as his little brother snuggled up beside him.

“Can I kiss you again?” Dean panicked. The older boy was hoping he had forgotten that. Sam was looking at him, his eyes wide and earnest. Dean couldn’t say no. He  _needed_  to say no. Instead, he nodded. His breath hitched as Sammy crawled on top of him. He placed his hands on Dean's shoulders and lowered his mouth to his older brother's. His lips were soft and warm. Pulling back he smiled, and Dean hesitantly smiled back at him.

Sitting up, the older boy let him slide back onto his lap. It was easier to move and less confining than letting the younger kid pin him to the bed. Sam wrapped his hands behind Dean's neck and the older boy's arms slid around his waist in a tight hug. His tongue slipped out to wet his lips; Dean leaned forward and gently sucked on it. Sam's eyes widened and he made soft noise in the back of his throat. Dean ran the tip of his tongue over his lips and they parted. He dipped inside to taste. Sam opened wider with a pleased gasp, pulling his brother closer and moulding his body to Dean's. Their mouths pressed together as they hungrily devoured each other. This was much more intense than their previous kissing session. Sammy drew back panting, “Ah! Dean!” He was tugging at the older boy's shirt. Dean jerked slightly when his warm hands plunged underneath it and began caressing his sides.

“Sammy,” Dean moaned as he ghosted open mouthed kisses over his neck. His hands rubbed up and down his younger brother's back coming down to settle on the soft swell of his backside.

Suddenly, Dean stopped. Horrified, he felt Sam’s hardness touching his stomach and he could feel himself just as hard beneath him. He was molesting his younger brother! Dean felt sick. Sam didn’t deserve this. His younger brother's hands were trying to pull his shirt off. Dean moved to stop him. “Sammy, we can’t!” Dean tried to push him off his lap. He clung to the older boy fiercely.

“No! Dean, it’s okay. I want to!” It was terrifying. It was almost like Sam had read his mind. Dean took a deep breath and pressed his forehead to his chest.

“Sam, do you know what you’re asking for? I don’t want to hurt you. I’m supposed to look after you and protect you. Not take advantage of you.” The older boy's voice shook.

Sam tilted his head down and kissed him gently on the head. “Dean, I know that I want to touch you and I know that you won’t hurt me. I may be younger than you but I’m not helpless.” He sighed. “And I am sure that you would stop if I told you ‘no.’”

Dean looked up at him. He wasn’t so sure he could stop. “Sam, do you even know what to say ‘no’ to?”

That got the teen a petulant look. “Dean, I know what second base is. I knew even before I kissed you the first time.” He grinned and whispered in Dean's ear, “I know what third base and home plate are too. I’m not really a little kid anymore.”

Dean pulled back sharply. When had that happened? Sam had suddenly grown up and he had somehow missed it. Sam was effectively nullifying each of Dean's arguments. Considering how he had acted last week, the older boy had to wonder if his little brother had put some planning into it. Dean had one last hand to play. “We can’t do this, we’re brothers. It’s unnatural.” At this point Dean was fighting tooth and nail against himself.

Sam smiled. “Yes, but normal doesn’t really apply to us.” Dean really didn’t know what to say to that. His kid brother was right, nothing about their lives was normal. Sam pulled himself close again. “I want this. I want you.”

Dean folded. He wanted him as well, he was just being stubborn. His mind wasn’t letting him get past the stigma ingrained into him. The older boy let out the breath he was holding, “Okay! Okay, Sammy. I get ya. Just ... just give me some time. I need to go slow here. I need to feel like I’m not violating you in some way.”

He nodded. Dean looked into his eyes and saw how hungry they were. He was going to let Sammy lead the way. Anything he wanted Dean would give it. He grabbed the hem of his older brother's shirt and slowly pulled it over his head. “Take mine off too.” Dean closed his eyes as he drew it off. Tossing it aside Dean felt him grab one of his hands and place it on his crotch. “Dean, I want you to touch me.” The older boy's eyes flew back open as his fingers started fiddling with the button on his jeans.

“Sam! What happened to going slow?!”

He giggled. “I’m just picking up from where we left off.” Dean's brain melted at that moment. Sam was way ahead of him, his hand quickly getting in his pants and firmly stroking him. Reeling himself back in, Dean's fingers scrabbled at opening on Sam's pants. After getting them open, he tugged at the sides.

“Sammy, lift your hips.” The older boy pulled his brother's pants and underwear down in one motion. Dean's hand wrapped around Sam's cock, the other rested on his hip, and he began to stroke. Sam whimpered and his eyes rolled back. Dean was going to make this good for him. He was very near; Sam’s hand on him was strong and steady causing his head to spin. The older boy wanted to bring him to the same place. Dean firmly jerked his hand up and down twisting slightly so that cusp of his hand squeezed the crown of Sam's cock with every pass. His other hand travelled down from his side to tenderly cradle his balls. Dean gently massaged them, rolling them around his palm. Sam was moaning brokenly, his hand on his brother becoming sporadic as he slowly lost his mind. Dean whispered in his ear, “You gonna cum Sammy? I want to see it.”

Dean leaned down and ran his tongue over one of Sam's nipples. His teeth grazed over the hardened nub and Sam keened, his other hand gripped Dean's shoulder hard enough to bruise. The older boy bit down and Sam came, screaming his name. Looking at his beautiful face, pupils blown wide in pleasure, mouth open, triggered his own release. With a muttered, “Fuck, Sam!” Dean spilled into his hand.

The older boy pulled him close, holding him protectively, possessively, until Sam's breathing calmed down. Gently lowering him onto the bed dean got up and went into the bathroom. Dean grabbed a couple of washcloths, damping one of them slightly. Crawling back on the bed he cleaned him off, chuckling as Sam incoherently fussed at him when he jostled him too much. Dean pulled his pants the rest of the way off and changed him into his pyjamas. Sammy was down for the count, his eyes drooping slowly closed.

Dean went back in the bathroom, cleaned himself off and also got ready for bed. Looking into the mirror he felt a twinge of shame. He really shouldn’t be grinning like an idiot after giving my little brother a hand job. The older boy ran his hand through his hair; this wasn’t what dad had in mind when he told him to “take responsibility to tell him the right things.” Staring at his reflection Dean exhaled sharply, his mind made up. He had promised, not in so many words but he had promised. Sam wanted Dean and Dean wanted Sam and that was all he needed to think about.

His mind was blissfully blank as he crawled into bed next to his little brother. He murmured, turning in his sleep to cuddle with the older boy. Dean wrapped his arms around the kid and whispered, “Happy Birthday Sammy.”

* * *

A Taste

For months Sammy had been satisfied to touch him and with a little bit of coaxing Dean would reciprocate. They didn’t do it every day, and when dad was around there was nothing. Dean was amazed at the way Sam just shut off around their father. Everything was normal, brotherly, affectionate ribbing, pouting and teasing. But when they were truly alone, the glances were heated, the touches lingering and every movement Sammy made was designed to entice. It was driving him insane.

It had been going on for a few days now. Every time Dean looked up Sam was sucking on something. A popsicle, a lollipop, the end of his pen. At first he hadn’t noticed it; then they had made a trip the local ice cream parlour.

_Anyone looking at them would have seen a teenager taking his younger brother out for ice cream. Dean saw the most obscene act performed on a cone of vanilla ice cream ever. By the time he had paid, and they sat down, the ice cream had melted a bit and was running down over Sam’s hand. Staring at him, his little brother started licking it up slowly. Dean bit into his chocolate ice cream. He had to look up again at the loud slurping noises Sammy was making. His brother was pursing his lips around the top and sliding them back, sucking in a little at a time. He murmured, “mm, Dean, this tastes so good.” The older boy stared at him as Sam ran the tip of his tongue from the base of the cone to the top._

_The teen's pants grew tight and Dean hissed at him, “Sam! We’re in public.”_

_Sam just smiled at him innocently. "What? I’m just eating my ice cream."_

And that was where it started. It was if something had lit a fire in his little brother and he was on a mission to torment Dean sexually at every point.

Sam got up from the table and stood in front of the television. Dean went to yell at him but stopped as he caught the look in his eyes. Sam stalked him. He moved slowly and deliberately to stand in from of his older brother. Dean's breath caught has he ran his eyes over his body. Sammy’s smouldering gaze on him caused the older boy to harden instantly. His hands stripped Dean of his shirt and travelled down to yank open his brother's zipper and pull his pants off. Dean couldn’t believe as he watched Sam kneel before him and swipe his tongue over his cloth covered erection. It barely registered as he pushed his brother onto the bed and crawled between his legs. Dean gasped out “Sam what are you doing?”

“I want to taste you Dean.”

“What?!”

Sam wasted no time stripping his boxers off and for some reason the older boy didn’t put up a fight. Sam eyed Dean's erection curiously and he was about to tell him to ‘stop’ the moment his tongue darted out and licked him. Dean gasped at the warm wet sensation. He wrapped his lips around his brother's cock and sucked down a bit only getting about halfway before figuring out that was all he could take. If Dean hadn’t been so out of his mind with the situation he might have laughed at the mulish look that crossed Sammy's face. His hand came up and wrapped around the part of Dean's cock he couldn’t cover. Sam started bobbing his head and the older boy groaned in response.

Sam was sloppy, his mouth a bit too wet but what he lacked in experience he made up for in enthusiasm. Grudgingly Dean had to admit it still felt mind numbingly amazing. He couldn’t get most of the girls at the various high schools he was in and out of to do this often, they thought it was ‘icky.’ Dean jerked a bit. “Sammy watch the teeth.” He looked at his brother wide-eyed and hummed in understanding. The vibration caused Dean to let out a strangled cry and Sam paused for a moment. The older boy watched as his face took on a beatifically evil expression. He increased his pace and started moaning around his brother's length, sucking as hard as he could. The kid was a fast learner. Dean couldn’t help one of his hands coming down to tangle in Sam's hair, the other gripped his shoulder. The older teen struggled not to hold him too tightly as he felt it building up inside him. Dean tugged gently at his hair trying to pull him away, “Sam ... Sam, I’m going to cum.” He squeezed his brother a bit harder with his hand and sucked hard. Dean let out a shout as he shot his load into his little brother's mouth. Sam pulled away, coughing wetly as he tried to swallow Dean's cum. “Jesus Sammy! You don’t have to swallow it. That’s why I warned you!”

Panting, Dean hauled him up from the floor and practically threw him on the bed. Sam’s clothes fluttered to the floor as the older boy almost ripped them off his body. In his haste, he almost caused the bedside lamp to fall to the ground as he tossed Sam's shirt on top of it. His little brother giggled at his desperation and the youthful sound almost stopped Dean in his tracks. However, the older boy was determined to return the pleasure Sam had given him. From an experience standpoint they were both new at this but as far as practical knowledge was concerned Dean was an expert. He’d had enough of those same said girls do this to him to know exactly how to proceed. Also he had a little trick to one up him. Something he had learned from stalking the only openly gay student at the current high school they were in. Thank goodness the kid hadn’t freaked out when Dean cornered him for some information.

Dean engulfed Sam's swollen pink prick in his mouth and his little brother cried out in pleasure at the sudden hot wet sensation. A salty tang greeted his tongue as Dean realised he was already weeping from arousal. The older teen drew back slowly, licking the crown like Sammy had done the ice cream earlier that week. Up until this point Sam had been watching him, but as his tongue traced the slit of his tip Sam's head fell back and he let out a low moan. Encouraged by his cries, Dean began moving up and down over him, varying his pace to keep him on the edge. The older boy could tell by the way Sam's hips were writhing that he was enjoying what Dean was doing to him. The teen continued like this for a while before deciding to give Sam his relief.

Time for the finishing touch; Dean pulled off of him for a second to suck on his finger. Taking him in his mouth again, his hand trailed down to the small pink hole of his ass. Dean felt Sam jerk a bit when he circled the opening with his finger. The older boy pressed at it a few times just to let him know what was coming. Sam’s breath hitched but Dean felt the younger boy's cock twitch in his mouth in anticipation. Dean pressed the finger into him sucking hard at the same time. Sam stiffened up for a second but relaxed as his older brother moved slowly. It was in there somewhere and Dean rubbed his finger against Sam's insides looking for that spot. He knew he found it when Sam suddenly tensed and let out a choked sob. Dean gently pressed against it and that was it for his little brother. Sam screamed out his name in pleasure and Dean was almost taken by surprise as Sammy flooded his mouth with his cum. The older boy gently pulled out his finger and sucked his little brother though his release, swallowing everything Sam had to give.

Dean moved up on the bed, coming to rest beside him. Sammy cooed softly at him as dean hugged him close. The dazed look on his face had him asking, “You okay there?”

He smiled lazily, “Yeah, that was nice.”

Dean chuckled in response. “I’ll be right back.” The older boy went into the bathroom to get something to clean them up. This was becoming something of a routine and Dean wondered briefly if he should be more alarmed at the pace this was going. He had just sucked his little brother’s cock and Dean had let him suck his. However, the small voice in the back of his mind was silent. Sam was bleary eyed and almost asleep when the older teen finally came back from the bathroom with a warm wet towel. Dean examined him as he cleaned him up and put on his pyjamas. He looked so innocent at the moment; it was hard to believe that moments ago his face had been flushed in the throes of passion. Dean wanted to feel guilty for that but his mind supplied the devious image of Sammy's face as he had eagerly gone down on him.

After getting into his own night clothes, Dean flopped down next to his little brother and pulled the covers up around them. As he closed his eyes Dean wondered how long he could keep this up. He was going to turn eighteen in a couple of months and that would only complicate things if anyone ever found out.

* * *

An Embrace _[1] _

Dean was falling down a rabbit hole, Sam was relentless. Every moment alone with his little brother was the sweetest torture and the most painful pleasure he had ever known. Even when they had stayed in one place for more than a few weeks he had never been this sexually active. Chicks didn't put out on every date, and even though Dean would like to think he was sex on a stick, there were times when even he struck out. However, since he was constantly with Sammy, he was constantly  _with_  Sammy. The more Dean indulged him the more he wanted.

They still hadn't gone all the way. Dean knew Sam wanted it, he also knew Sam was waiting for him to want it.  He couldn't tell his little brother that there was no way he would ever ask. He constantly told himself that this was Sammy's rodeo and he was just along for the ride. Lately, there were so many times he thought it was going to happen. Like the week before, Sam had literally crawled into his lap and gotten them off the moment Dad pulled the Impala out of the parking lot. Dean had sat there, stunned, as Sam yanked both of their jeans open and together stoked them to completion. His orgasm had caught him by surprise, as he had been too busy watching the scarily determined look Sam had on his face.

Now here he was, probably gazing at Sam in the same way, as he fingered his little brother in their dingy motel room. Sam was staring at him with something akin to awe as Dean's finger pushed inside of him. At that moment, Dean never thought he had loved him so much, even with his gangly limbs and perpetual frown. A little bit of guilt attacked him for the thought, considering what they were doing. However, the imaginary angel on his shoulder fell silent as he stared at the body splayed across the bed. The kid was so beautiful, a buffet of soft skin laid out in front of him to enjoy. It was a startling contrast to earlier that afternoon when Dean had picked him up from school. His little brother had looked so awkward and hesitant as he approached him in their motel room.

_"Are you sure Sam? Cause I need you to be sure." Dean had asked._

_"Yes, Dean. I want to have sex with you tonight. I want you to stick your dick in my ass." Sam enunciated deliberately, putting extra emphasis on the last sentence._

_Dean choked, trying to find any excuse to put him off, anything to delay just one more night. "Jesus, Sammy!" he sputtered. "Why can't it be tomorrow night? It's my birthday tomorrow. We can make it a special occasion."_

_Sam rolled his eyes. "You know dad is going to be back tomorrow, we won't be able do anything for while." The kid paused, "It can be an early birthday present. We can go have burgers then come back and..." Sam blushed as he trailed off._

Sam had been suspiciously well behaved during dinner, and once they had gotten back from the diner Dean predictably found himself indulging him once again. From where he was kneeling between Sam's legs, Dean looked up to his face. His little brother had his eyes squeezed shut, but his mouth hung open. He could see the soft red inside as Sam panted short quick breaths almost in time to the thrusts of Dean's finger. His tongue darted out to lick his lips and Dean took the moment to slide back up the bed and kiss him. "You ready Sammy? It doesn't feel like it, you're still so tight down there." Sam enthusiastically moaned the affirmative but Dean still held back. Impulsively, he wanted to just thrust up into that tight wet heat but at the same time he was terrified of hurting Sam. He was also terrified that the idea was so appealing. Suddenly, it occurred to him that it'd be a good idea to get Sam off first. The kid was always relaxed and pliable afterwards, and maybe with an orgasm in him he'd be down for the count. Maybe Sam would roll over and go to sleep and Dean could put off the inevitable for just a while longer.

Dean pulled out his finger momentarily to add more slick. He heard Sam's breath hitch and he looked up to see if he was okay. Sam's eyes had flown open and he was watching Dean in puzzlement. This time Dean slipped in two fingers and he watched as the kid's eyes rolled back into his head and he let loose a low moan. "Dean," he whined once they were buried in him, "stop teasing." One of his hands pawed at his brother's shirt, "You haven't even taken your clothes off yet."

"Dammit Sam, patience. I'll get there. Lemme do this first." He worked Sam over, scissoring and pressing until the kid was mewling and squirming on the bed. Instead of stopping, he pulled almost all the way out, dribbling a bit more lube on before pressing back in with a third finger.  This was the most he'd ever given Sam, and it only took a few more thrusts before younger kid was crying out and coming all over his stomach.

Dean slowly removed his fingers, which caused Sam to twitch a little bit and glare at him. "You're still clothed," he mumbled. Dean didn't expect him to be as coherent as he was, so when the kid pounced on him he was taken utterly by surprise. They almost fell off the bed as Dean flailed and the Sam tried to pull him up in an uncoordinated attempt to wrest his jeans off of him. "I'm ready Dean. Unless... you really don't want to do this?" Sam looked at him uneasily, and Dean got the feeling that it might have just occurred to him that his older brother wasn't as into it as he was.

And in that moment Dean  _knew_  he was going to Hell. For his little brother he was going burn and suffer eternal punishment because there wasn't anything Dean wouldn't do to make him happy. This was what Sam needed and Dean would take care him. In the seconds it had taken for Dean to sort what he was going to say, Sam's expression had fallen. Not wanting to let it get any gloomier Dean teased him, "Hey, don't go all chick flick on me Sammy. I just want to make sure everything's perfect."  Sam smiled hesitantly, and Dean could tell he wasn't completely satisfied with the answer. Well no one had said he couldn't manipulate the situation either. He looked Sam in the eyes and said, "You know we are not supposed to be doing this, right Sam? You know it's not right? Before we go any further, I just needed to know that you understand that."

Sam nodded solemnly. "I know Dean. Incest and sodomy are illegal. I  _know_  it's not right." He sighed. "But I can't help it. I want you so much. Sometimes I feel like I might go crazy if you're not with me."

Dean didn't want to admit that he felt that way sometimes as well. He abruptly changed the subject, "Well, that got heavy real fast." Instead of looking at his little brother, Dean unbuttoned his pants while talking. "Well, just wanted to make sure we were on the page here." He looked to Sam for affirmation then shoved his jeans down and pulled his t-shirt over his head. "Let's get this show on the road." If Dean hadn't witnessed it before, he would have been amazed at how Sam went from zero to ready in a matter of seconds. The kid laid back on the now stripped bed and spread his legs bashfully, smiling like he'd just gotten an A in class. Dean frowned at the position for an instant. "Is that how you want to do it Sammy? Sure the other way wouldn't be better?"

"Yeah, I want to see you." Sam opened his legs wider as Dean crawled back up between them. The older kid grabbed the lube and poured a generous amount into his palm. During the interlude he had softened up a little, so he gave himself a few pumps. His brother licked his lips as he watched him slick his cock up. Adding even more lube to his fingers, Dean watched as Sam cried out softly when he slipped a finger back into him. He had to make sure he was still wet enough inside. Dean shuffled forward and he saw Sam's eyes darken in anticipation as he positioned himself.

"Relax Sammy," he muttered as he gently pushed inside. Dean took it as slow as he could, he held Sam's hips down with one hand while he guided himself in with the other. Sam's hands grasped and twisted the bedsheets below him and he keened lowly as Dean bottomed out. The older boy bit his lip in an effort not to just start thrusting mindlessly. After taking a few deep breaths he asked, "You okay little bro?"

"Yeah, yeah," Sam gasped out, struggling against his brother's firm hold on his hips. "So good, so full, a lot bigger than your fingers." he murmured. "Dean,  _come on_  . Move. Move.  _Move!_ " His hands came up from the bed and pulled at Dean's shoulders, urging him closer.

The tenuous thread of control he was holding onto snapped. Dean surged forward and Sam rewarded him with a startled yet delighted shout. He roughly thrust in and out a few times before he took a few deep breaths and reigned himself in again. Dean mentally congratulated himself when he slowed down so that he could enjoy the slick, wet heat that enveloped his cock. Sam cried out in protest, displeased at the change of pace. "Hush, Sammy. Enjoy it, make it last," Dean whispered, trying to calm him down. Neither of them were going to last long if he just let go, so he kept grinding in, rolling his hips slowly. The older boy leaned over and softly nipped at the kid's neck. It couldn't be any harder than that. They couldn't afford to leave marks on each other, even if Dean wanted to proclaim to the world that Sam was his. His little brother turned his head and captured his lips in a deep kiss. At the same time, Sam tugged at his hips, trying to get him deeper inside.

Breaking away, he whispered, "Dean, fast  _now,_ slow later. We've got all night."

Dean groaned, picking up the pace. "God Sammy, you're going to be the death of me." He began to pump in and out at a furious pace, tilting Sam's hips up to get at a better angle. He felt a tremor run down the kid's spine and felt Sam's fingers dig into his shoulders as he desperately held on. They weren't very loud, years of trying to be inconspicuous drilled into them. However, Dean relished every low moan as they spilled continuously from Sam's mouth. He wasn't going to last very much longer, so he grabbed Sam's dick and stroked in time with his thrusts. Sam's body became painfully tight and his eyes widened in shock. Dean watched as he turned his head into the pillow. With a muffled scream of his brother’s name Sam came, his come splattering all over Dean's hand and his stomach. After a few more frenzied thrusts, Dean spilled inside the hot clench that spasmed around him. A strangled groan worked out of him as he finished, and his thrusts tapered off as he slowly withdrew from his brother's body.

Sam whimpered lowly and Dean froze at the sound.  He placed a tender kiss on his forehead and asked. “You okay?”

"Yeah," Sam panted. "Just a weird feeling when you pulled out." Dean examined his face to make sure he wasn't lying. His brother's eyes were glazed over and his skin flushed pink with exertion. Dean brushed his hands over Sam's body hoping he hadn't left any bruises.

"You sure? I wasn't too rough or anything?" he asked, as he remembered how he had just let loose at the end.

"No Dean. It was great. You were awesome." Dean grinned, and Sam smacked him lightly on the arm when he saw his smug expression. The older boy collapsed next to him then grunted in protest as Sam rolled over to sprawl on top of him. Sam began to trace idle patterns over his chest before he mumbled, "So, was I okay...?"

Dean leaned up and kissed him on the forehead again. "Yeah, kiddo. You were awesome too." Sam beamed down at him, delighted at the praise. He then crawled completed on top of Dean to lean down and give him a filthy kiss.

Sam rocked his hips slightly and Dean pulled away to exclaim, "Jesus Sammy, already?"

"We have all night. Like you said, 'make it last.' This is our last chance before your birthday tomorrow... " he paused, then continued, "...and Dad comes home." Sam looked away for a moment and Dean had strange moment of unease. He dismissed it as a momentary feeling of guilt at the thought of Dad finding them.

"Okay," Dean muttered. "Well let's not bring that up again." Sam smiled sadly and Dean sat up to kiss the look off his face. Dean murmured against his lips, "Anything you want little brother." He kissed him again reverently before settling him back down on the bed. "Anything you want Sammy."

* * *

 Epilogue - A Fantasy _[2]_

When Dean looked at Sammy he always felt a pang of guilt. Maybe it was one of the reasons he was so hard on him, or maybe it was because of Dean’s inability to forgive him. For the first eighteen years of his life he the best sex he had ever experienced, had been with his little brother. After that, everything had changed. It was as if a switch had flipped. Sam never initiated anything after that. Dean had made a promise to himself to never touch him first, so he never started anything either. He would see the look in Sammy's eyes sometimes and his body would tense up, waiting for him, but nothing ever came of it. Dean went back to sleeping with girls once it was apparent that Sam didn't want him anymore. He went back to it with fervour that hadn't there before.

Once, right after Sam turned eighteen there had been a hot moment behind a bar when Sam drunkenly shoved him against a wall. They stared at each other warily, and Sam muttered under his breath, "You're too drunk for this."

 "Not drunk enough not to know what you want." Dean had quipped back, slurring only a little bit. Sam had taken him back to their shitty motel of the week and Dean had promptly fallen asleep the moment the kid dumped him on the bed. In the morning, Dean had rolled over and found Sam watching him from only armchair in the room.

"Sober now?" he had asked the words bitingly sharp and cutting through Dean's hangover. He replayed in his head the look Sam had given him when he had pinned him against the wall last night. There had been lust, and a bit of a challenge and as much a Dean wanted to answer it, he bowed out.

He rolled over said, "Sober enough not to make anymore bad decisions." He paused, as Sam drew in a breath, "Okay then, I'm taking a shower and you had better get ready, Dad wants us to leave today." He almost stopped when the look of hurt flashed across his brother's face. Then Sam nodded slowly and turned his back on him.

The energy Sam used to put into seducing Dean suddenly became the energy he used to argue with him. Sam yelled and screamed and even fought with the same passion he had shown Dean the night they had slept together. And the fights with Dad only became worse. Once Sam announced he was leaving for college, it struck him. Sam had made his decision to leave the morning Dean had made it clear that nothing would every happen again between them again.

After Sam left him, every once in a while, Dean would catch himself as checked out some random guy. His eyes would idly slip sideways if a tall dude walked by. He would blink and shake his head after catching a glimpse of someone with a mop of messy brown hair. He schooled himself into not missing his little brother, embraced the hunt and made it his everything. Then Dad went missing. So when he finally went to Stanford to get his little brother, he didn't even spare a thought for what had been.

However, the moment Sam was struggling under him in the darkened kitchen everything came flooding back to him full forces. The warm body beneath him was so  _Sam_ and this train of thought was going to get him in trouble _._  He abruptly drew back, took deep breath and threw out a wisecrack about getting soft. Then Jess walked in and Sam smiled, at that moment, he knew he'd never get what they had before back. Sam was happy. Dean closed his eyes and smashed down all the thoughts warring in his head.  This was okay for now. He could deal with this.  He would always do whatever was best for Sammy.

* * *

 

[1]  My rough estimate for this is that it happens sometime after 4.13 "After School Special". Here is what they look like in [that episode](http://bonesandchekov.tumblr.com/tagged/After-School-Special). Sam is a little over three months shy of his fourteenth birthday when Dean hits eighteen. [return to text]

[2]  If you want to leave on a happy note I suggest you stop here. However, if you love your slash with a dash of heavy angst, read on! [return to text]

**Author's Note:**

> I've massively fallen out of love for Wincest, so this will be the only Wincest story in my catalogue. This will also be my only Dean-centric story as my distaste for his character has gotten to the point that I've considered deleting this fic.


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